Season2RBRSEpisode31 - Podcast 1.mp3
Transcript
Welcome to Episode 31 of the Rubber Biscuit Roadshow. I am your host, the Gypsy. Well, as most of you should know, yesterday was Father's Day. And I hope you wish your father Happy Father's Day. Because you know, without your father, your mother would have never been your mother and you would have never been born. So hopefully you did wish your father a happy father. Day. I did get a happy Father's Day wish from my daughter, who's my first child, and I call her my little Donnie Ray. She's not quite so little anymore. She's she's going to be 44 this year, but regardless, she's still my little Donnie Ray and argue that with anybody. And I got a happy Father's Day. From one of my sons. I don't know if he sent me the happy Father's Day because I sent him a card wishing him Happy Father's Day, or if he did it because he really meant it. He. That particular son thinks that I abandoned him, which I never really did. I wasn't part of. Life most of his life. But that wasn't by my choice. That was by his mother's. But that's an entirely different story that we're not going to get into right now anyway. I do hope you wish your father a happy Father's Day. I wish that my children thought more of me than they do. I have a son that has. Completely.
He.
Forgot to not even existed. He's wiped me completely out of his life and I really don't even know why. And if he listens to this, I really hope that he will get a hold of me and tell me why he wiped me out of his life, because I'd really like to know. I honestly, I have no idea. I got another son that for all practical purposes. I might as well not exist to him. He hardly has any contact with me at all. Never acknowledges me. I don't know what I did there either. You know who? Knows. And then I got another son that thinks that I did a horrible thing that I never did. He's got his story and his memories are wrong and. But you know, you know that's the way it goes when you're a parent. You know, sometimes you know, your children's think you're Saints. Sometimes they think you're a monster. Sometimes they think you're something halfway in between. And you know what's really funny? There's nothing you can really do. About. It there's not one damn thing you can do about it. If your children disown you. Then all you can do is just sit back and hope that someday they'll reopen you again. I guess that's what you call it, reopening. And if you disown your children, you know what, bud? You need to take a lesson from me. Because I did that at one point. I disowned my precious baby girl, my daughter. And it was stupid. I was. I was. I was ignorant. I was being stupid, and even though we had a disagreement, I let it go too far and my baby girl was out of my life for almost 10 years and. One day. I was watching all these people in Hobby Lobby with their families and fathers with their daughters and what have you and my heart broke and I got a hold of her. I told her I'd never wanted anything to do with her again. And I guess at the time I meant that. But at the same time, I didn't mean it because she's my baby girl. She's my daughter. I love her. Anyway, I pulled my head out of my ****. I got a hold of her. And it's taken us a long time to get back on track again. I think we're finally back on track, I mean. I got so far off track. I was off track with my two granddaughters who who I loved dearly. I was off track with my son-in-law, which according to my daughter he thinks of me as a father figure. I saw off track that I wasn't even there when my two great grandchildren were born. So. I guess what I'm trying to tell you. Here. Is don't let your stupid, foolish, stubborn pride get in the way of loving your children. Your children are more important than any pride that you may have overtake you. You know you can have all the righteous indignation that you want in the world. But. Don't direct it at your children. Never direct it at your children, and never. Ever.
Ever.
Let that stupid, foolish pride get in the way of loving your children. Because you know what, at the end of the day, your children are your legacy. They're what should we behind when you leave this earth? And whatever you imprinted on them, they're going to imprint on others. So if you imprint a negative on them. Unfortunately, a lot of times zone print and negative on others in their life. But if you imprint a positive on. They will always imprint a positive on others and really in the end that's what you want. You want your child to have a positive life. You want them to leave a positive impression with other people. But that starts with you. That doesn't start with them. That starts with you. That starts with how you deal with your children, what type of influence you are in their life. You know. I look back on it and I honestly wish that I hadn't been so involved with making money that I had let that get in the way of spending more time with my children. I'm telling you, what if I had spent more time with my children, maybe my son that has completely wiped me out of his life wouldn't wipe me out of my his life for whatever reason. Me, the son that has hardly anything to do with me, would have something to do with me, you know. I don't know if that's true or not. I tried to spend as much time with them as I can. I supported them all I could. They were both on the All Star Wheel League team when they were growing up and I was always there for all their games. I was always there for all their programs in school. I supported my youngest son, the one that has completely wiped me out of his life. I totally supported him. And everything he did, including going to Boston Conservatory and being in theater, he's a he's a genius. The kid is a genius. It's unbelievable. He. Has a 3 1/2 octave voice. He writes and composes his own music self himself. The guitar, the mandolin, the keyboard, their harmonica plays classical piano. He jazz dances he modern dances, he tap dances, he ballet dances. He has won the lead in every play he ever auditioned for, up to, including Macbeth. He won the annual awards, which are like Tonys for college Kids, first time out for Best Actor and or Best Supporting Actor. Excuse me and best director. He at the time was one of only six people to ever get a full blown scholarship to the Boston conserve. Tory and just he has done amazing things. Oh, he was the first student from a Community College to ever get nominated for a Kennedy Center honor. He not only did that once, he did that twice. He is an amazing, amazing, talented young man and I have always supported him, so I really don't know what the problem is. Why he's completely wiped me from his life. But like I said. Ricky, if you happen to hear this, please get a hold of me and let me know why and. Let's talk this out, OK? So anyway, I mean. I can't say it enough. The bottom line here is. Don't throw your children away, OK? Your children are your legacy, and that's really all I'm going to say on it. What I would like to do though, here on this day after Father's Day, is tell you a little bit about my dad now. I've never really knew my biological dad. I had some phone conversations with him and I got really, really vague physical memories of him, but my most prominent memory of my biological father was of him laying in a casket in a burgundy colored leisure suit. That's my main memory of him. OK? Uh, other than that, all I have is hearsay and what I was told by others and. I know nothing else of him. The dad I'm talking about is the man that I actually consider my real father. And his name was Ernest Albert Stewart, and he was my stepdad. Now Ernie will just refer to him as Ernie here. Ernie wasn't a model dad. He was not a ward cleaver by any means. He he was an alcoholic. He lived by the seat of his pants. He took odd jobs all the time, but that's how he preferred it. Ernie was. A different sort of individual, and he's the type of individual you don't find too much anymore. Ernie could always make ends meet. Ernie was a survivor, and yes, he survived, which was something that my mom just could not stand. I mean, she never liked the fact that he was an alcoholic. And they would get into fights over and what have you. But what she hated was the fact that he really had a problem holding down a full time job. Like I said, he lived by the CV's fence. But that's not to say that he was a. Bum and that he didn't work. The man worked all the time. I never recall a day that he did not work. I remember going to some of his jobs with him. I remember going to this one job. He was clearing this piece of land of trees. And when I say he's clearing trees, I mean he's not taking them all out. It's very selective, cutting. Most of it is around the fence line. Now I'm too young to know at the time to know what the farmer wanted these trees cleared. For all I knew was I got to be at work with Dad. And as he worked, I got to wander around this wooded acreage, you know, and which was a lot of fun. I oh, my life. I've enjoyed wandering through woods. And there was a pond there. And I remember. Looking at the tadpoles in the pond and dad came over one time when I was looking at the tadpoles during one of his brakes that he was taking and he reached down and he scooped up a handful of these tadpoles and he let me reach out and touch one of them. Big old fat, juicy one and I giggled on ever giggling and thinking that was funny and. Dad explained to me that they would become frogs someday, and that's first on to learn that you know something that didn't look like something else became something else. Kind of a metamorphosis. And of course, you know, when a 5 year old's mind. I'm not thinking metamorphism. I'm just thinking, hey, squiggles anyway. Yeah, Dad was clearing. These trees out by hand and he's cut. He's got a chainsaw, you know? And he's taking him down and he's cutting up the wood and he's stacking the wood. And he didn't have help. Dad was doing this by himself in the middle of summer. Like I said, he wasn't a bum. He was a worker. He worked. I don't recall what day in my father's life except for when he became sick with cancer that he did not work. And wow, what a hard worker. He did his best that he could to keep in touch with me. My sister after him and my mom divorced. But every time he came around, my mom would have him arrested for payment of non child support but then she would turn round and gripe that he was never around for his. Kids and I remember my grandma asking my mom one day, surely. Why should he be around when every time he comes around you arrest him for payment of non non payment of child support? My mom says well you should pay child support and my grandma says surely any time you need anything for those kids all you've ever had to do is pick up the phone and call him and he gets it for you instantly. There is really honestly no reason for him to pay. Child support because he does support you. Anything those children need, all you have to do is ask and he gets it to you. So you need to ask yourself something. What's more important? The couple of bucks you're going to make off child support every month or the time that he can spend with the children, she says. I don't like Ernie. My grandma said she did not like him and she didn't because of his alcoholism, but. Grandma made sense, she told my mom that it was more important for him to be a father to his children than was for her to collect a couple of bucks off of him. But my mom never got that. She never got that at all. She would just constantly having to rest every time he came around. So you know. Dad didn't come around. It was kind of pretty simple, but as I got older, he started coming around more because Mom really didn't have much say in it at that point. And so Dad and I, we spent a lot of time together. We we did it as in my teen years and on up we got to spend a lot of time together, which I've always been thankful for it. And uh. I kind of lost a little track of you. I mean, I called him once in a while, but I didn't get to see him much after I moved down to Texas. And as I became an adult, you know, my times have seen. Him. Became fewer and far in between, and I remember hearing one day that he had contracted cancer. And so I called him up. I said, dad, is that true? You have cancer and he said yes, son, he says. Unfortunately, he says he says I have one cancer. And I said you are being treated for he said yes, he said. I would like to see you, though. And I said, well, I want to see you too, Dad. And I said somehow we got to make that happen. Well, at the time I was living down in Texas and I come to find out that there was a motorcycle show taking place in Saint Joe, Missouri that was looking for a tattoo artist. Dad was living in Kansas City, MO, which is only about an hours drive away. So I contacted the promoters of this motorcycle show and made arrangements to come up there and tattoo at the show and I'll let Dad know that I was going to be there. I said, hey Dad, I'm going to be at the show in Saint Joe. I said I'd sure like see if you can make. He says I'm definitely going to come try and find you. Well, I went through the whole show and I. Never. Saw Dad and I was a little disappointed because I thought for sure, you know, they'd come up to where I could see him. I talked to him later on and he told me that he had come up to the show but he couldn't find me. And once he was able to locate where I was at, I was gone. I. Well. Dad, when did you come up? He says. Well, I came up on Sunday afternoon and I said yeah, Sunday afternoon was dead and I closed up and I headed back on down to Texas. I said I'm sorry we missed each other. I said well, there'll be other times. Unfortunately, the other time happened. Oh, about five years. Yeah. I was living at that time in Baxter Springs, KS, and I still kept in contact with him on the phone and I kept telling him, yeah, we gotta get together. We gotta get together. And in the meantime, Dad had contracted not only the lung cancer, but he had also gotten liver and brain cancer to go along with lung. Cancer. I remember this. One day I get this call. Paul. From Virginia, which was his wife, I guess you could call her my stepmother. And Virginia asked when I was coming up to see my dad. And I said, well, I planned on coming up sometime this summer and she said, well, you need to come up this next Sunday, I said what? And she said you need to come up this next Sunday. He has asked that all the family get together for a Thanksgiving dinner. Now this was March of 1993, March. If Dad was asking for the family to come together for Thanksgiving dinner, that meant that he knew he wasn't going to be around for Thanksgiving. And Thanksgiving was his favorite holiday. So I said I will be up there soon. Well, I got very fortunate when I got there Sunday. Everybody was at church and Dad was at the house by himself. So me and Dad, we had, we had two hours. Just me and him together. No one else around. Those are the most precious two hours I've ever spent with anybody in my entire life. There will never be two hours in my entire life, more precious than those two. Anyway, me and Dad got to talk about a lot of things, a lot of father, son things. He was very sickly at the time. He was hooked up to a machine in IV and he'd been well over 6 foot when he was younger, but now he was shorter than I was and I'm just right under 6 foot. And he was all thin and skeleton like, and his skin was all pale white and he's very frail, very fragile. Good, strong grease would have blown him over. This was not the strong man that I had once known. And we sat there and we were talking and I asked him, I said, dad, I said, are you right with God? And he points over on this wall, where there's this bookshelf that's full of books. And he says, you see all them books over there. He says all those books are on religion. I said, dad. That's not what I ask you. I ask you if you're right with God. And. He stops 2nd and he thinks about it and he says yes son, I am, he says I'm right with God. I said well, good. I'm glad to hear that. We talked a little bit more and I said. Said dad. Did you accept the fact that your. That your father's death wasn't your fault. Now a little back story here. I'll digress for a second. When my dad was very young teenager, he decided to run off and join the army. This is during the Korean War. The day that he ran off to join the army was his day to plow the field. Since he wasn't there, his dad had to take over that duty of plowing that field. The tractor hit a stump, turned over and killed his father. My dad blamed himself for that the rest of his life, and he really committed slow suicide by drinking himself to death is what he did. And so I had to ask the question. Dad, did you ever accept the fact that your father's death wasn't your fault? And very quietly said yes, son, I did. But I guess it's kind of late now. And I said never too late, never too late. Then another question I asked him. Where we were sitting there talking. Was. Who the hell, Charlotte? And he turns right. Right. Now, mind you, I had seen this man. I had seen this man face down a bear. And this man, who had faced down a bear, is now sitting before me. A bright shade of red. And. He looks down at the tattoo on his arm. The very badly done tattoo on his arm or heart with the word Charlotte through the center of it. And he says honestly, son. I don't know. I said OK, dad, give me the story. Well, apparently, uh, when he was in the army in Fort Bliss, TX. He he went over to Juarez one night with a bunch of other guys, got drunk and woke up the next day with that tattoo on his arm. And he he had no idea where he got it from. And I said so you mean to tell me that there may be a little ernestina running around? Somewhere. That you don't know anything about, he says. Son, I've actually thought about that, and there may there may very well be. At one point during the conversation, Dad asked me, he said son. Do you remember when I was younger and some big old boy would get me down on the ground? What? Happened. And I kind of laughed and I said yes, Sir, I remember. He says, well, what? What happened? I said, well, some big old boy get you down on the ground and you'd wait for him to ask you if you'd had enough. And when you said yes, you had. And they backed off. You'd come up with that big old Popeye forearm of yours and break their jaw. And he said, Yep, that's right, he says. And son, I'm waiting for this cancer to ask me if I had enough. And all I could do was smile, because that meant that dad hadn't given up yet, even though he knew he was dying. He hadn't given up. Well, we kept talking and all of a sudden he gets up out of his chair and he starts wandering around the house saying I've got to find that before these vultures get back here, I gotta find that before these vultures get back here and I said, dad, what are you doing? He says I got something for you. But I got to find it before the vultures get back. Now I'm worried about him. He's really frail and he's kind of just. Wandering around the house, looking in closets and looking here and there, I said dad, whatever it is. It don't matter. No, I've got to find this. It's for you. And I saved it for you. And I got to give it to you. And I said, well, dad, tell me where it's at and what it is, and I'll see if I can find it. He said. No, no, no, he says I want to hand it to you myself. Let me find it. Let me find it. And he goes towards this utility closet. That's just right inside the kitchen door. And he says, oh, I remember where it is now. It's behind the dryer. He said son reached down behind the dryer back there and. Grab what's back there. And I reached behind the dryer and there was a rifle case back there and I pulled it. I said open that up, opened it up and I opened it up and inside was a single shot bolt action 22 long rifle. And I looked at this rifle. And I looked over at my dad. I said Dad, is this the rifle that you taught me how to shoot with when I was five years old? And he grinned a toothless grin, and he said yes, son, it is, he says, go stick it in the trunk of your car before these vultures get back, he says. I'm telling you right now on one side die. These vultures are going to descend on everything. My own like like. Like Mulchers, knife laughed. I said thank you, dad, but my laugh was between tears. It was very touching that he had saved this for me and he told me that he says I've been holding on this for years for you, he says. I've I've hidden it. I've kept it away where no one could find it. And I knew someday I was going to be able to give it to you and. He says. I guess today is the day. So I finished my visit with my dad. It was a very good visit. And. We. Finally had to part later on that afternoon and I hugged him. And. Squeeze him and I told him I'd be back in a couple of weeks to see him and he said he'd be looking forward to it and. I went back down. Baxter Springs, KS. Well, the following Monday, not the next day, but the following Monday, I'll get a call from. His from his wife, Virginia. To let me know that he had just passed away. And I was the first call she made after he passed away. And I thanked her and she let me know what had happened that morning. He uh, he was in really bad shape and they'd gone to the doctor's office. And while the doctor was examining him, he'd fallen asleep on the doctor's exam table and doctor pulled Virginia. One side, he says, I really don't know what's keeping you. Alive, he says. I don't know how he's breathing right now, he says. I need to put him into the hospital. Well, at that point, Dad woke up and he said, uh, no, I'm not going to know ****** hospital, he said. If I'm going to die, I'm going to die at home. So Virginia took him home about 2:00 in the afternoon. The Hospice nurse shows up. And he's asleep in his chair, and she wakes him up and she said, Mr. Sturt, I gotta take your temperature. I'm gonna stick this thermometer in your armpit and it's. Going to be cold. She sticks with the mom during his armpit and goes damn straight. That's cold. That was dad's last words. She took the temperature and told Virginia that she didn't think it was going to be long and that if Virginia needed her, give her a call. About 4:00 that afternoon, my cousin Vicki was over visiting and she was sitting on the couch next to his easy chair, and she happened to look over and he wasn't breathing. She screamed and dove for the phone. Virginia, come right now. The kitchen yanked the phone out of the wall and told my cousin Vicky, she says, if he's resurrected, if he's brought back around. He's going to hate you for the rest of. Your wife, **. *** says he knew he was dying. He wanted to go on his terms. And this is his terms. The only people we're going to call now is the morgue. So now the day of the funeral comes up and it's going to be in Baldwin City, KS and I show up at the funeral and there were like 200 people in this little Chapel. We have a large family, but there's not that many people in the family. A lot of these were friends of my dad's. I'm like, wow, he had a lot of friends, which shouldn't have surprised me because he seemed. He won those people that made friends everywhere he went. So I go into the Chapel. My cousin Vicky had saved a seat for me up front and she kind of waves me over and I go over and I sit down with her and. I get up and I'll walk up over to the casket. This white casket that dad's laid out in. And I pay my respects to him and I'm crying and I go sit back down next to Vicki and she's crying and we're holding each other crying. And everybody in this Chapel or they're, they're crying and. And the minister gets up to give the eulogy, and he steps up on this podium that's raised up behind the coffin and my dad's laying there in the coffin. And Mr. looks out all over 200 crying faces. And what happened next told me this minister did not know my dad very well. He sees these 200 crying faces and he said, I wonder what Ernie would say if he was here to day and in one voice, 200 people shouted out. Quit your effin blubbering. The minister about fell off his podium and I swear I think I saw dad smile. Even at the graveside services, there are still people that were kind of snickering over that little incident, and we were all smiling. We weren't crying anymore. We were remembering what a good laugh dad had left us with. After the service, as we're walking away, I walked over to Virginia and give her a hug and. I had a question to ask her, I said, Virginia. I'm just wondering something and she kind of chuckles a little bit, she says. Why that spot? I said yeah, why? That spot she says well. She said we came out here and your dad actually picked out that gravesite spot right there. That's the one that he wanted. And I said that one. And she said, Yep, out of all of them that he could have had here in the cemetery. That was the one he wanted. I said. And she said because he said when he got up in the middle of the night to go use the bathroom, he didn't want to have to trip over any tombstones and he wanted to be close to the John. See my dad's grave in the Baldwin City Cemetery is sitting right next door to the men's. Restroom. My dad. He left him laughing, and to this day I still smile and laugh over my dad and. The way he was, and I hope you laugh and smile over your dad and the way he was too. Again. Let me stress this, OK, this is not only for dads, but also for children. Children. If you're on the outs with your father or even your mother, it don't matter your mother or your father, or if you're on the outs with both of them. You know what? They're your mom and dad now. Unless they've done absolutely something horrific to you, something that you can't talk about or talk through or get over. Don't you think maybe since our time on this Earth is really limited? Maybe you should give them the benefit of the doubt and try to mend whatever fence is. Broke. And parents the same pain. Unless your children have just done something so horrific that it's unforgivable. And even then the Bible says we should still forgive. Our time on this Earth is short. Those are your children, for God's sake. Don't you think maybe you might try to mend that fence and maybe find out what the problem is? Maybe children and parent? By finding out what the problem is and talking it out and coming to some sort of mutual understanding, it's going to enrich your life. You'll be closer and that love, love is like a seed that you plant in the ground. It constantly grows. But if you're not giving it water, if you're not giving it nourishment, it's not going to grow. Don't turn your back on your children. Don't turn your back on your parents. Life is too short for that. Parents call your children to day mend that fence. Children call your parents today and mend that fence. That is the most important lesson that we can take away from holidays like Mother's Day and Father's Day is that we need our mothers. We need our fathers. And I can tell you right now as a father. I dearly need my children. I love them so much and I miss them all each and every day. Well, that's it for this episode of the Rubber Biscuit Rd. show. I hope you'll join me again next week or the week after whenever I get back on here again. No, I usually don't go more than two weeks without doing a blog, but I hope you will join me for some more randomness and random thoughts. I'm sorry I can't tell you what I'm going to talk about beforehand because honestly, most of the time I really don't know. But until that happens, May God bless and keep you and yours. Later, Gators. Bye bye now.
