The Rubber Biskit Road Show Presents, "Never Say Never: An Epic Journey - Volume One, Part Four: Here's Looking At You Kid

The Rubber Biskit Road Show Presents, "Never Say Never: An Epic Journey - Volume One, Part Four: Here's Looking At You Kid

In the emotionally charged fourth part of "Never Say Never: An Epic Journey – Volume One," witness Shirley's challenging journey through a psychotic break with reality, leading her to Topeka State Hospital. As she emerges from the hospital, Shirley makes a decision that will shape the course of her life in ways unimaginable.

Accompany The GYPSY as he guides you through this gripping narrative, offering a window into his life, the complexities of his family, and the tumultuous experiences of his mother, Shirley Elizabeth Hummel, who battled mental illness throughout her existence.

Shirley's story unfolds as a multifaceted tapestry of emotions. Readers may experience discomfort, laughter, and glimpses of warmth that often eluded her. Prepare to be stirred by moments of anger and horror as the narrative exposes the tragic events that propelled Shirley deeper into her struggle with mental illness. The telling of Shirley's story serves as an educational and insightful exploration of the highs and lows experienced by both the individual and those surrounding them in the face of mental illness.

PLEASE NOTE: This is a rebroadcast of a podcast episode from 10/5/2021. I stopped podcasting to help my wife through her battle with stage 4 breast cancer. My wife recovered and I am now ready to start podcasting once more. Over the next couple of months, I will be reposting my past podcasts and will start new episodes in January 2024. 
I invite you along for the ride and to experience my creative mind which is in constant motion. My life is one of perpetual motion, and my creative journey is a testament to that boundless energy and ceaseless curiosity.

“Like a Rubber Biskit, I have spent my life bouncing from here to there and back to here again.”  -The GYPSY-

"NEVER SAY NEVER: AN EPIC JOURNEY - VOLUME ONE" is now available on Amazon in Kindle, Paperback and Hardcover Book form. CLICK HERE!

I'm The GYPSY and You're Not and This Is The Rubber Biskit Road Show Presented By Artist Alley Studio Featuring The Artisan, Handcrafted and Branded Creations of The GYPSY and Mad Hatter. Visit Us At www.ArtistAlleyStudio.com

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Visit The Rubber Biskit Road Show On The Web At  www.RubberBiskit.com
Tatman Productions LLC. Copyright 2021 - All Rights Reserved. No Parts of The Podcast May Be Copied, Reproduced or Used Without The Express Written Permission Of The Artist.

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Transcript

CHAPTER FOUR: HERE’S LOOKING AT YOU KID

I took the yearbooks and the pages I had separated from the folders over to the archivist to be copied. As the copy machine whirled and clicked, I thought about my mother and what Bill Braswell had done to her. I knew the story all too well; Shirley had been admitted to the Topeka State Hospital suffering from a nervous breakdown. Today that expression is politically incorrect now they would refer to it as a psychotic break from reality. Call it what you may, the fact remained that Shirley had retreated into a world of her own making. 

*** 

Almost catatonic she ate, drank, relieved herself and slept; all the basic functions but nothing else. She did not talk and would not respond to those who spoke to her. She sat in her chair staring out into space for almost 3 months and then one day she got a new roommate. 

Shirley had been in what was referred to as a side room. It contained a blanket, a mattress and nothing else. It was a room that they put patients in that there was a concern of a possible suicide attempt. With no attempt on Shirley’s part within 90 days they felt it was safe to move her into a shared room. 

Shirley’s new roommate was a lady a few years older than her who had also had a psychotic break with reality. For three days Shirley laid on her bunk listening to her roommate mutter over and over again, “See you later alligator, after while crocodile.” On day four Shirley got up from her bunk and approached the muttering woman who was rocking back and forth in a chair by the window. Shirley stood by the woman’s chair watching her rock back and forth muttering her endless litany of, “See you later alligator, after while crocodile.” 

Suddenly Shirley exploded, grabbing the woman by the hair on both sides of her head she swiftly pulled the woman nose to nose with her; “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Shirley screamed into the woman’s face, “Just please shut the fuck up…” Shirley released the startled woman who had started screaming from the unwelcome contact. When the Aides came running into the room, they found Shirley sitting in the middle of the room sobbing uncontrollably. Shirley had not cried since her Billy had shattered her fragile world and now with the opening of her floodgates the healing could finally begin. As the Aides led Shirley out of the room, she heard her soon to be former roommate say, “See you later alligator…” Before she could finish Shirley finished the chant for her, “…after while crocodile.” 

Forty-Five days later Shirley left the hospital. While she had been committed Pearl and Oscar had quickly and quietly handled her annulment. Shirley did not return to school; she was afraid of becoming a laughingstock among her peers. She did not want to be the subject of whispered words behind hands and questioning stares. Checking with the school she discovered that she had almost all of her credits to graduate. Shirley made arrangements to take a couple of night classes and within just a couple of weeks she was taking her final exams. She passed and received her diploma; she would not have to go back to the place that she knew would be poison to her fractured heart and soul. 

***

I sat down at the library's computer, I was keeping my fingers crossed that today would finally be the day that I accomplished what I had been trying to do for the last 3 weeks; get my book, “Blogging Kansas: Musings From The Land of Oz”, uploaded to the publisher. I had been faced with a dilemma; slow internet connection. I lived way out in the middle of the west central panhandle plains of Texas. In order for me to have an internet connection I had to use a satellite system. Dial-Up is probably quicker than our connection was and more reliable. In short, the upload speed was slower than a snail on ice and I could not get my book uploaded to the publisher. 

After my third failed attempt at uploading the book my wife Debbie suggested that I go over to the Clyde, Texas library and upload it as they had a faster internet connection. I took her advice and spent every weekday afternoon at the Clyde Library for the two weeks before I had set out on my journey and still, I could not get the file uploaded. The internet connection was faster but not fast enough. 

Now you may say to yourself; what can be so hard it is just a simple file upload, right? Wrong! The problem was that it was a very large file due to the photographs the book contains. The other problem was that anytime I uploaded the file the automated system converted the Word file to PDF for review. The converted file would always need reformatting and a re-upload of the reformatted file. Though the Clyde Libraries’ internet connection was far faster than my home connection the fact remained that it still wasn’t fast enough. It would take 45 minutes to upload the file, 10 minutes to review, 5 minutes to reformat a section then another 45 minutes to upload again for review. 

The process was taking way too long, and I was getting frustrated as I sat down at the Topeka Library’s computer. I said a silent prayer that it was faster than the Clyde Library’s computer. I signed into the publisher’s website, inserted my thumb drive and set the file to upload then sat back in the chair to wait 

 ***

Shirley sat back in the chair to wait on her dad. Oscar was retired and no longer worked full time, but he would go into the office once or twice a week and take the overflow patients just for something to do. The office receptionist told Shirley that her dad was in the middle of a tooth extraction when she entered the office. Shirley smiled and told the receptionist she would wait. As Shirley sat down, she caught a sideways glance levied at her by the receptionist. 

Oscar finished with his patient and followed her out of the exam room leaning on his cane. He was hurting, Shirley could tell, and it worried her. A few years back her dad had accidentally stepped on her Kitten as he descended the back stairway. Oscar fell and broke his back. That injury coupled with his club foot and the lasting effects of his radiation poisoning made it hard for him to get around and at times, like today, caused him a great deal of pain. 

“Beth”, for that is what Oscar called his little girl, “What are you doing here?” 

It always made Shirley happy inside when her Daddy called her “Beth”, her middle name was Elizabeth and Oscar was the only one in the entire world who called her Beth. She was very much Daddy’s girl and when her Daddy said, “Beth” it made her feel special and loved. 

Shirley ignored his question and asked her own, “Daddy, why do you keep working, shouldn’t you completely retire?” 

“Beth, you know that if I stop, I would die.” 

Oscar was a man of few words and would cut to the chase in any conversation. His bluntness made Shirley shrink inside; she could not imagine a world without her Daddy in it. 

“You didn’t answer my question; what are you doing here?” 

“I just thought I’d ride home with you today.” Shirley said with a lot of sugar dripping from her mouth. 

“Right, now the truth, why are you here?” 

It wasn’t that Oscar didn’t like Shirley stopping by the office to see him he just knew his daughter and after what she had just been through if she was here there was something on her mind. 

They walked out into the hallway and Oscar pushed the Brass Button on the Elevator panel. They could hear the creaking of the antiquated box as the cables brought it up to their floor. The two elevators that service the upper floors of the Mills building were beyond outdated especially when you compared them with the sleek new green models in Pelletier’s main store which took up the first four floors of the marble and glass of this impressive structure at the corner of 9th and Kansas Avenue. 

As the box stopped on their floor, they could see the elevator operator slide back the gate inside and then pull the big brass door back out of the way. As Oscar and Shirley entered the cab Oscar greeted the operator, “How are you this afternoon Mrs. Wilson?” 

The elevator operator smiled, “I am fine as peaches Doctor Hummel and how is Shirley today?” 

She had addressed Oscar as if Shirley was not standing there. 

“I am fine!” Shirley said, making no effort to mask the annoyance in her voice. The elevator operators' disregard for her steeled her resolve in what she knew she had to do. 

Oscar and Shirley rode down to the lobby in silence. As they stepped out into the fresh spring air of the Topeka afternoon Shirley swallowed hard and blurted out, “Daddy, I’m leaving.” 

Oscar looked straight ahead saying nothing. Shirley tried to follow his gaze and all she saw was the shoe repair shop across 8th street. 

“Daddy did you hear me? I’m leaving, I’m leaving Topeka.” 

Oscar started walking towards the bus stop leaning on his cane. As they stopped at the curb to wait for the bus that would take them within a block of their home Oscar said, “Why? He actually knew why but he needed Shirley to say it and not back away from it as she had always backed away from all things in her life. 

“I need a new start, Daddy.” Shirley drew in a deep breath, “Everyone knows, everyone talks, everyone whispers…” She paused, “Everyone looks at me.” 

Oscar looked down at his daughter. “So, running away will solve your problems?” 

Shirley looked down at the street trying to find the right words to say but before she could speak Oscar said, “Running away doesn’t solve a problem but getting away helps memories to grow fuzzy.” He put his hand on her shoulder, “Out of sight out of mind.” 

The bus pulled up smelling of diesel and rubber. They boarded Oscar depositing two tokens that clinked, clinked in the catcher. They rode the 6 blocks to their stop in silence. As they disembarked Oscar asked, “Have you told your mother?” Shirley’s silence spoke volumes. “Of course, you haven’t, she would say you are being foolish. Are you being foolish Beth?” 

Shirley looked down at the sidewalk as they walked. “I’m scared Daddy. I don’t know what I am; I don’t even know who I am.” 

Oscar nodded understanding. “None of us know who we are, we just are. What will you do for money?” 

Shirley knew that this question was coming and had been dreading it. She had thought this out and now was the moment that would either help her to see her plan through to leave and travel or have it all crash around her the way she felt everything crashed around her in her short life. 

“I thought maybe I could have my college fund.” Oscar stopped. “You know Daddy”, she said with trepidation in her voice, “The twelve hundred dollars you put back for me. I will never go to college, and it would help me get a new start.” 

Oscar started walking again and stated a flat, “No!” 

Shirley felt crushed, her Daddy had just taken away her second chance but before she could voice her protest Oscar said, “You can have $1,000.00 of it. Leave $200.00 in there in case you want to go to trade school someday.” Oscar doubted that his daughter would ever go to any kind of school ever again but the $200.00 left in her college fund at least gave a small hope that she would. 

Shirley felt a joy inside she had not felt in a long time. Her Daddy had just made it possible for her to get away from this place that use to feel like home but now felt like a circus sideshow with her the center ring attraction as the show stopping freak: 

Hurry, Hurry, Hurry come see Shirley the insane screaming girl. She walks, she talks, and she crawls on her belly like a reptile. Hurry, Hurry, Hurry, for one thin dime you can see the wonder of the ages, the girl foolish enough to fall in love and marry a married man. You won’t want to miss this Queen of the Freaks. 

They stopped in front of their home, looking up at the majestic structure. “I guess I’ll need to talk to Mom now.” Oscar put his arm around his daughter, “Let me deal with your mother, you need to go pack.” 

*** 

I held my breath; how many times during the past few weeks had I been down to the final few pages of my book during the review process only to find that the formatting had suddenly gone awry? It was more than I could count. Page 214 good, 215 good, 216 good, 217 good, 218 good, 219 good; Please Lord, just one more page, just one more… page 220, and finally my book, “Blogging Kansas: Musings From The Land of Oz”, can be submitted for publisher review. 

I sat back and let a small wave of accomplishment wash over me. This was the next to the last step in a process that had started almost 3 months previous. Now I will have to wait 48 hours while the publisher reviews my manuscript. 

If the publisher finds everything to be in order, then I am given electronic proof of the book. If I find the proof to be in order, then I can submit it for publication. However, if the publisher finds that the manuscript did not meet their guidelines or if I did not like the proof of my book then the whole process would start over. I exited the browser and stepped away from the Topeka Libraries computer. Their super-fast internet server had allowed me to get my task done and I would return 48 hours from now to finalize that task. 

As I walked towards the exit I stopped in the doorway of the children’s section. Looking out over the children reading, browsing books and using the computers made me smile; young minds absorbing new thoughts, new ideas and new knowledge. I have been an avid reader my entire life and I never spent much time in the children’s section of the library when I was growing up; why should I? I had always been an advanced reader, I read Wind in the Willows when I was 6 years old, followed by The Borrowers and by the time I celebrated my 7th Birthday I had finished every book in the Oz series. 

My Mother was an avid reader also and nurtured my interest in reading. I wondered how many of the books in this library my mother had touched. She would check out 6 books at a time and have them back within the week, read and absorbed. Stories of real people and true-life situations would hold her attention; “The Warren Report” was her prized treasure. Unsolved mysteries were food for her soul. I remember one book, “This Baffling World”, which my mother loved so much she actually purchased a copy of it to read over and over again. But the books that she devoured were Romance Novels; there was not one Romance Novel published before 2001 that she had not read. 

In 2001 my mother’s eyesight was failing and she refused to have her prescription eyeglasses updated. She had her last eye exam in 1988 and in her mind that was enough; another sign of her declining mental state. No amount of insistence by me could persuade her to have her eyes examined for new glasses and this saddened me because I knew it would not be long before she would never be able to do her favorite thing in the world; Curl up in her bed with a good book and find refuge, for a while, between the pages from this world that had caused her so much pain. 

***

I maneuvered my big V-Twin into the parking space in front of Oddfellow’s Books and Collectable s. I wanted to take the opportunity, while I was in Topeka, to meet Brandon and Martie Rison, the proprietors of the store. I had come to know them from the Facebook Group “Topeka History Geeks”, and we had formed an ongoing online friendship. I had a desire to cement that friendship with a face-to-face meeting and a handshake. But before that could happen, I would need to get change for the parking meter. 

I hurried across the street to Capital City Bank to get change for the meter. The Tudor style brick building at 120 SW 6th street occupies the northeast corner at 6th and Jackson and has not always been a bank; it once served as an escape portal to lands far removed from Topeka, Kansas. 

*** 

Shirley hurried across the street to the Greyhound bus terminal. The Tudor style brick building at 120 S 6th street had occupied the northeast corner at 6th and Jackson as long as Shirley could remember. She saw a bus sitting in the lane next to the building, its marquee proclaimed “Memphis” she was sure that was her bus.  

She rushed up to the ticket counter breathless, “Is that the bus too”; she gulped in air, “Florida?” 

The ticket master scrunched up his nose and scratched his brow under his green visor, “Nope, that’s the bus to Memphis.” 

Shirley swallowed, “I mean is that the connecting bus?” 

He held out his hand, “Lemme see your ticket.” 

Shirley had purchased her ticket the week before when her dad had withdrawn the thousand dollars from her college fund. He had refused to give her any of the money at that time. 

“Shirley, we will go to the bus station and get your ticket, I will give you the remainder on the day you leave.” Her Father had said, and she knew he was right to do it that way to keep her from blowing her money. 

They had gone down to the terminal and the same Ticketmaster she now stood before and who was studying her ticket the way a scientist studies bacteria that wiggle on a glass slide beneath a microscope had said, “Where to?” Shirley knew where to, Miami, Florida. She had always had a fascination for the sunshine state, and she felt like her future might lie in that direction. 

“Nah”, the ticket master said, handing her back her ticket, “you want the Little Rock Bus.” He looked at the clock on the wall behind him then reached into his vest pocket and pulled out an old tarnished pocket watch. Winding it as he talked, he said, “That bus will be here ’bout an hour from now, your welcome to wait.” 

Shirley looked at him slightly amused and resisted the urge to shoot back with; “Where else would I wait?” Instead, she said, “Thank you” and headed for the gift shop. 

As Shirley crossed the terminal, she could feel the eyes of the men hungrily eyeing her as if she was a medium rare steak hot off the grill ready to be devoured. During her stay at the State Hospital Shirley had blossomed; her long Raven black hair, big brown cow eyes, ample breasts and rounded hips brought Shirley attention wherever she went. She wasn’t that sure that she liked all the unsolicited attention but then again, she wasn’t that sure that she disliked it. 

Shirley looked over the magazines in the gift shop. She was angry with herself, she had purchased numerous Paperback Books to keep her occupied on what she knew would be a very long trip and a very boring ride and had left them all on her dresser unpacked. She had meant to pack them into one of the two bags she was taking with her but in her excitement to leave had completely forgotten about them. So now she found herself having to spend her precious funds on new reading material. 

She couldn’t find any magazine that held her attention and was just getting ready to ask the clerk if there were any paperbacks when she saw the carousel rack full of Romance Novels. She had always liked stories about things that had actually happened, historical novels, and had never given a thought to Romance Novels. 

She thought that this style of pulp fiction was beneath her yet as she browsed and turned the carousel, she started finding titles she found intriguing. She picked three; Unholy Woman, Bright Path to Adventure and The Good and The Bad. She figured these books should see her through a few miles but then she saw an odd paperback stuck in between the romance novels, a Ripley’s Believe It or Not paperback novel. She snagged that one also and she was set for her trip. 

Shirley stared out the window of the Scenicruiser Bus watching the limestone hills roll by. She was sitting in the upper section of the split level bus with the unfinished “Unholy Woman” in her lap. She didn’t know what was ahead, but she knew what was behind. 

As the rice fields of Arkansas disappeared into the darkness and the bus skimmed the edge of Texas Shirley slept and dreamed of sun filled days and turquoise seas. 

Louisiana would always be the memories of Ripley’s oddities and the smell of the bus’s chemical toilet. Every time the bus hit a bump in the constantly bumpy road the bus would be perfumed with the pungent odor of waste and blue water. 

Shirley looked up from her book, “The Good and the Bad” to watch the tall pines of Mississippi roll by. She thought of her mom and Dad and how neither one had come to see her off at the Bus Terminal. Oscar had been having a bad day and hurting pretty badly, Pearl however was just angry and that is why she hadn’t shown. Shirley’s Mother did not agree with this plan and refused to give it her support calling it, “This Foolishness.” 

By the time the Scenicruiser passed into Alabama Shirley was ready to scream. It seemed to her like this bus would never get to where it was going, and she was having a hard time concentrating on her book. Shirley would read a few pages, then look out the window then read a few pages more. Won’t this bus ever get to Florida? 

There had been a lot of stops on this ride and Atlanta, Georgia was just one more. Shirley did not like Atlanta, and she wished that they would call for the bus to board. The bus station was full of coloured people and coloured people made her nervous. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Negro’s, she just didn’t understand them and that ignorance of who they were made her nervous. She never had seen so many coloreds in her life, and she wondered why they all seemed to hang around the bus station. When the call to board came Shirley was the first person back on the bus. She found her seat and watched as the Negro’s headed to the back of the bus where they belonged. 

As the bus passed into Florida Shirley felt a surge of excitement course through her. She was in Florida, a place of promise and of hope. A place where she could begin a new life and move ahead away from the pain, away from the memories, away from herself. 

As Shirley turned the last page of her Romance Novel, “Bright Path to Adventure” the bus approached the sign she had been longing to see for over 1,800 miles: Welcome to Miami, Florida Population:249,276. Shirley closed the book on her old life and began the story of her new life.